Structure & Function

Structure and Function go hand in hand. I have learned this during my years of microbiology and Anatomy & Physiology, but something I've learned outside of the classroom is that the correlation between structure and function really exists in the real world too. I'm someone who really needs a routine and schedule. Since coming back from our honeymoon, Matt & I have really had a problem getting into a daily routine. Part of me tries to justify it because it's summer vacation and soon enough I will be in a very consistent routine because of school but it's just not working for me. I try to make detailed lists of what I'm going to get done the next day but something always seems to stop that from happening. It's pretty discouraging. So, to say the least I was really happy when I came across this blog post. I always love reading Nicole's posts and this one really helped me alot. Maybe it can help you too!

Update

It's August already. Wow.
So much has happened since I last blogged. I guess the main thing being that I got married in mid-June and moved an hour away. I'm now officially an Arkansan! (Well, as soon as I go by the DMV.)

Matt & I are so happy to finally be married and together surrounded by our church family and amazing friends. I can't explain how blessed I feel. I miss my family and my home church family and all of my friends from Missouri a lot but thankfully we're only an hour away.

This truly is such an exciting time in our lives and God is already showing us so much and really working on both of us. He really had His hand over me in the transition between my parents' home and my own home with Matt. I'll start keeping up with this thing more often, or at least I'll try :) I start nursing school 3 weeks from today! This is going to be one busy season in our lives!

Worth Your Time

God, grow my faith. Teach me to FULLY trust in You, no matter the circumstances!

Heavy, Heavy Heart

Today my heart is aching.

The Donnell family will have to bury their precious 19 year old daughter and sister. I truly can't get myself to come to believe it. I don't know why. I just saw her a few weeks ago. We weren't super close friends but I've always loved Miranda. She had such a kind and gentle spirit. She was an amazing witness and absolutely precious.

I don't understand. I don't know why God wanted to take her home, when she could have had so so many years ahead of her. I know it was for His glory and that it was what He wanted but it's so incredibly hard to wrap my mind around it.

Life is so short. So vast. Just a vapor. We CAN'T waste time on things of this world.

Please pray for sweet Miranda's family. I can't imagine what they are going through. I'm so burdened for them. Please also pray that Miranda's beautiful light that God let shine through her while on this earth will go forward and touch others.

and please, remember how SHORT life really is..

Hell

I don't mean to be offensive in this blog post, but my God hasn't called me to just making people feel better with my words but to speak the truth. Hell is REAL. People assume that if there's a God out there, there's no way that He could possibly let a person go to such an awful place. Yeah well scripture doesn't exactly agree.

²¹ “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ ²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

I'm not saying this to crush people's hopes when it comes to losing family members, friends, etc. But it's simply the truth. Being a "good person" or "waiting until you get your ducks in a row" to come to know Christ is NOT a good idea and won't mark you as safe. I pray that people wake up and realize that heaven and hell are not just a thought or a fairytale. They're REAL.

20/20 Vision - What Does It Take?

I hate going to see the eye doctor. I have terrible vision without my contacts or glasses. What normal people with perfect vision see on a chalkboard at a distance of 300 ft away, I see at 10 ft. Everytime I have an eye appointment and they make me try to read the giant "M" (because the big "E" is too small for me to see even when I squint so they pull out the 8x10 letters for me!) without my contacts, I just feel like a huge failure. I know that it's an "M" on the wall because I've been so many times, but I can't cheat. Like I said, I just hate trips to the eye doctor.

Yesterday I had an appointment and God used my uncomfortable situation that I usually hate to speak to me. Lately my eyes have been getting so tired by about halfway through the day. For some reason, when my eyes get tired, they begin to ache very badly. My eyesight had seemed to have gotten worse, also. I was having to squint alot when I was trying to read the letters on the wall (with my contacts in). I especially had trouble when she had me cover one eye, and then the other while reading. It was so frustrating how bad my eyes were, and even more so when they were used separately. I was feeling a little discouraged.

Dr. Kramer then told me some news I had never gotten before. "Has anyone ever tested you for astigmatism before? Because you're showing a step 4 astigmatism and we usually treat anyone with a step 3 or worse."

 I was so excited! She figured out why I was having such pain and trouble seeing with my eyes lately! All it took to correct the problem were a fancy new prescription of contacts. I now can distinguish between P's and F's without squinting!

God gave me a revelation while I was in the middle of picking out a new pair of glasses in the waiting room after I had my awesome, amazing new contacts in. My eyes are a team. Without my right eye, my left eye can barely read any of the letters on the wall and vice versa. That's even WITH my contacts. God has called me to be Matthew Ryan Miller's bride for this temporary life. Without him, I'm not as strong in furthering God's kingdom because in His good and perfect will, we are to be together. We are to let God use our marriage for His glory in whatever way He will. Together, we are stronger than apart, but there's still something missing. We still will experience pain and trials and tiredness. We can't focus clearly on what steps we should take. If we are only relying on our love and self help books, it's the same as trying to see as well with plain contacts when you have an astigmatism. We need God to act as our fancy new contacts and correct everything. We need him in our lives and relationship. We need his word and time with Him desperately. We need to find our confidence and strength through Him. We need to let Him see all that there is to see in front of us and then guide us where we need to go. Without Him we are weary and weak.

I'm so thankful that God has revealed Himself to me in this way. I pray that He will be all over us in our relationship and that we will seek after him daily. Please pray for us that we will continue to surrender to allow God to move and correct in our lives in all the ways He wants to.

Go HARD

Lately, this has been my FAVORITE song. It inspires and excites me so much! Lecrae's passion for God is infectious and no matter how many times I listen to it, I get goosebumps every time. I'm going to quote someone who commented on this video and then leave the lyrics below. Please take the time to really listen to what he's saying.

"Rappers like T.I. and others will occasionally make songs which seem to have a good message and powerful meaning to them, but when it comes down to it, his (their) songs only teach you to make yourself into God and to glorify your own self.

For someone to take that same power of rap and to devote it to the Gospel is really unique and has ultimate meaning and power to it. The secular rappers only teach you to hope in man, which is utterly vain and foolish. Only The Lord makes Peace."

Verse 1:
(Lecrae)
Lord kill me If I don't preach the gospel
I'm still in my 20's- but I'll die if I got to
Already dead- so forget my flesh
I done been crossed over see the full court press
I'm a full court mess if the Lord don't use me
Running from my trials thinkin everythangs groovy
If the Cross don't move me then I don't wanna breath no mo
If I aint seeing Christ potna I dont wanna see no mo
Rep every day withouth worrying about bruising
I been to china mayne I seen some real persecution
If U didn't know em would ya life look the same
Can they tell you value Jesus by the way you rep his name?
man what's the point of living if Im living for myself
Lord empty out my life before I put you on the shelf

So for God I got Hard I dont' wanna die tonight

It's too many people living who aint heard about my Christ
Go Hard or Go Home(2xs)
Lord Use Me Up(2xs)

Verse 2:
(Lecrae)
Went to Asia had to duck and hide-for Sharin my faith
They tell me water it downwhen I get back to states
They say tone the music down you might sell a lot a records
But it's people out here dying and none of em heard the message
Took my wifey on mission trip - central america
Shared her testimony 40 people stood and stared at her
When she said Jesus shoulda seen it was insane cause 40 out of 40 never heard of Jesus name/ Aw mayne we aint focused on the war we just kickin it/ worried bout our image and our space up on the internet// take me out the game coach/ I don't wanna play no mo/ If cant give it all I got and leave it out there on the court/ Thank you for the Grace for the will and the desire/ got me living for your glory stead of living to retire/ But I pray I'll never tire of Going hard for Messiah/I don't need no motivation You the reason I'm inspired.

Verse 3:
(Tedashii)
Go Hard/Go Home, Go Hard/ Go Home/
That's what that is baby/that what that mean/that what that mean/
That what That is baby/That what that mean/that what that mean/
Wha-What that mean?/That mean that we, should be out up in the streets/
Not just in houses with our bible's summrizing what we read/
Man this aint deep (man this aint deep)/why we aint doing what we read/Its like we sleep (its like we sleep)/
But sinners sleepwalk when they sleep/
So why can't we (so why can't we)/the redeemed of the LORD/
Act out, what He said/and make a scene for the LORD/
Action-cut, say what, like we was the director/
But you better get a Grip like movie sets, and get to stepping/

(Martin)
I know you done it/da-done it, da-done-and heard it all
You was going hard for the Lord before you heard this song/
But don't play yourself to save ya self/and walk in fear/
Scripture's like a mirror/the truth is closer than it appears

...again with the goosebumps. Have a great week!

Word of the Week..

FAMILY

This week my Grandma Nita went to be with the Lord. The past 3 weeks have been so busy with frequent trips to the hospital/nursing home. My dad's side of the family is so big. My grandparents had 4 children, 16 grandchildren (counting spouses), 10 great grandchildren, and LOTS of extra extended family. We found ourselves squeezing into the cramped hallways and in Grandma's bedroom of the nursing home. Everyone was there, crying together, telling stories, laughing, sitting, and loving on Grandma. We all were able to tell her how much she meant to us and what an impact she had on our lives before she passed away. We were able to tell her how much we loved her and that it was okay for her to go home, where she belongs. She ended up passing away on Tuesday morning (3/29). Although it was difficult for us to let her go, we knew that's what would be the absolute best for her. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday we all gathered in Grandma's little house and fellowshipped. I just closed my eyes and listened to the sound of ALL of those people laughing and loving each other. I could just hear my Grandpa's big belly laugh in the background of it all and I could picture my Grandma's sheepish smile. God had used them in such a mighty way.. They gave birth to a FAMILY. A family that LOVES no matter what. A family that PULLS TOGETHER in hard times. I can't express how thankful I am for that wonderful family that has given me too many memories to mention..

This weekend, Matt's parents came to Jonesboro all the way from Atlanta! Saturday night my parents and I went out to eat with them and then took them to see mine & Matthew's house in Paragould! Today they came over and we spent the afternoon together in Doniphan. Then this evening was our wedding shower at the church! Afterwards, we all stayed for the church service and Matt lead my church in worship for one song. Let me just begin by saying I'm SO thankful for the amazing FAMILY I'm marrying into. They're so loving and I feel like I've known them my whole life. It's so important to get along with your in-laws and I've just really been blessed in the in-law department (including my future big brother-in-law!).

There were SO many people that came to our wedding shower! I was so overwhelmed by the love that I felt from my church FAMILY. We received so many heartfelt messages and little notes in cards that meant the world to us, sooo many generous gifts, and even a few very sweet handmade gifts. It all meant the world to me. But what meant the most were all of the hugs, tear filled eyes, and words of encouragement that we were met with after the shower was over. I truly do LOVE the people of First Church, Doniphan. They'll always be my family.

Throughout this past week when I was surrounded by loved ones at the funeral, Grandma's house, the church, or even our own home, I just couldn't get over the staggering realization. FAMILY and COMMUNITY are so important in life. Life is about relationships. So, cherish, foster, love, appreciate, and work on the relationships in your life. They're SO important (One in particular, and a life long relationship with Him is definitely worth the effort). My heart is overflowing with the love I've experienced this last week.. with my family. ♥

Unexpected Meeting

When I was in middle school and high school and still attended youth group and went to church camp I had a preconceived notion on what a "God meeting" was. Anytime when the lights were dim and my youth pastor would be playing something acoustic I would lose it. With tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat I felt God's presence more than ever. Like I was physically in the same room as Him or something. I would go to the alter and in the midst of the music and the thick atmosphere I would proclaim my love for my heavenly Father. Afterwards, when walking to the Snack Shack while at Camp Sharon, kids would be talking about random nothingness and I would almost instantly snap out of that "state of worship." I remember several occasions being disappointed and wondering why I couldn't feel that way just in my everyday life. It reminds me of the lyrics to a Steven Curtis Chapman song, Moment Made for Worshipping:

"6:30 Monday morning,

I'm here hiding in my bed.

A song plays on my alarm clock,

as I cover up my head.

Somewhere in the distance

I remember yesterday,

singing Hallelujah,

full of wonder, awe & praise.

But now I'm just wondering

why I don't feel anything

at all?"

I've lived the words to this song over and over again, sadly. I just couldn't understand why God didn't want to meet me where I was. Wow, was I wrong. God's always ready to meet me, I have to be willing.

This week, God has completely caught me off guard, moving boulders around in my heart. Earlier this week I cleaned up my iTunes a bit and made a worship playlist with hundreds of songs. I was listening to it on my way home from school Wednesday. [Let me first set the setting for you. It was sunny outside and I was near the back of a long line of cars going 45 in a 55. Not exactly my "church camp" scene that I described earlier.] The song Your Hands by JJ Heller came on. It's such a simple and quaint song. But when she sang the words "When my world is shaking, Heaven stands.." I just lost it!! I had a huge lump in my throat and I was fighting back tears (only because I was on my way to work; otherwise I would have let it out). I was compelled and overcome with the urge to just praise God and thank Him for all that He is at that moment. It was uncontrollable! Then the polar opposite began playing on my iPod. (Usually this sudden change up would have caused me to snap back into "reality." Nope. Not that day.) Transformers by Lecrae began to play and my heart was overjoyed by the promise in 2 Corinthians 5:17! I couldn't smiling and this time I couldn't stop the tears!

When I parked my car in my driveway I just thanked God for reminding me that I can have that experience with Him anywhere and everywhere! The rest of the lyrics to Steven Curtis Chapman's song describe my unexpected meeting perfectly:

"This is a moment made for worshipping
Cause this is a moment I'm alive
And this is a moment I was made to sing
A song of living sacrifice
For every moment that I live and breathe
This is a moment made for worshipping!"

Brother Oley

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

- John Piper (Don't Waste Your Life)

Tonight was Brother Oley Brown's "Celebration of Life" Memorial Service. I met Brother Oley at a youth retreat in 7th grade. It was my first experience going on any trips with the church (I've been going to ever since) and I felt a little uncomfortable. I had friends there and I was super outgoing, but it still didn't feel like home just yet. The few things I can remember about this weekend 7 years ago was that it rained the whole time, rock climbing is great exercise, and Brother Oley. I remember he was just there to help out and before we knew it, he had broken out his harmonica and we were all clapping and cheering for Jesus! Oley was a wrinkly faced, (then) 88 year old man with a huge smile and an even bigger heart. In all the years that I've known him, I've never seen him in a lousy mood. He LOVED helping with youth and preaching to us. When I came home from the retreat that Sunday night, I talked mostly of this sweet old man and his passionate heart. Also about how much he seemed to love us. I just can't say enough good things about this man.

Neither could anyone else, tonight at his service. Brother Oley passed away at the end of February this year, right after celebrating his anniversary with his wife of 72 years, Elsie. They were such a sweet couple who really showed what a marriage founded on The Rock looks like. Everyone was talking about how wonderful he was; how he begged to continue to mow the church lawn and baseball fields and how he wanted to drive youth to Camp Sharon, both when he was in his late 80's and early 90's. The man had such a hard working, obedient heart for Jesus! He even went on a mission trip to Honduras when he was 85!! By surrendering his life to God and allowing Him to do all He wanted through Oley, he preached his own funeral with the amazing legacy he left behind.

Oley wasn't a pastor or a worship leader. God had not called him to live overseas or adopt orphans from third world countries. God called Olaf Brown to lay bricks, serve in the army, love his sweet wife with everything he had in him, mow the church lawn, sadly (but for the glory of God) bury two of his children, and play that harmonica with all he had in him! Oley blessed others with such a humble life of his own.

This is the first death of someone I loved that I have encountered where I wasn't sad when I heard the news. All I could think about was the last time I saw Brother Oley (this summer when he and Elsie were visiting our church and talking about their 71st wedding anniversary and how God has blessed them so) and his radiant smile. I knew that Brother Oley was FINALLY home. After spending 95 years on this earth and letting God's light and Jesus' love flow freely through him as a vesicle for others, Oley was finally where he's always belonged. I feel SO blessed to have known such a wonderful, wonderful man.

Tonight, listening to all of the things people had to say about him, I realized something. I, under NO circumstances, want to waste my life. Not even a day. I want to be twenty years into retirement working hard for Jesus in all the ways He's calling me to. The only way I can do this is to truly surrender my life and all of my beloved possessions to God for Him to do with them as He so pleases. Through the marvelously exciting to the excruciatingly devastating, I want God's steady peace and joy in my life, and I want to glorify Him in every step I take for this is the only way to truly live.

Olaf Brown

December 10, 1915 -- February 23, 2011

Oley & wife of 72 years, Elsie

Playing the harmonica

72nd Anniversary card on display at Brother Oley's "Celebration of Life" memorial service

"March Forth!"

So, it was brought to my attention today through a retweeted tweet (lol) by a friend that today's date is very ironic. It's the only date of the year that is a command..

March Fourth

As soon as I read this, the Lord instantly reminded me of a passage of scripture I had copied into my prayer journal several months prior to today.

"The Lord is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies & foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; Though war break out against me, even then will I be confident!.... I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord!"  Psalm 27:1-3, 13, 14

How empowering, right?? These are the notes I wrote below this passage in my journal: "Wow! What CONFIDENCE! I need to pray that all of this will be real to me so that I can know without a doubt that with God on my side (or vice versa actually) there is absolutely NOTHING to fear! I want GOD to be my stronghold, not sin or Facebook or TV... God! This verse makes me feel the strength and power of my Lord."

I'm using today's date as a reminder that I worship a God whom I can have total confidence in! He is always with us and He WILL complete in us the good works He began (remember Philippians 1:6). Take heart and MARCH FORTH!




p.s.  it's also my future brother's 25th birthday today :)

Ba-a-a-a

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.    Isaiah 53:6

There's many references in the bible of how we're all like sheep or how Jesus is our shepherd. Same thing. As many times as we've heard the verses like that, have you ever really taken a second to stop and think about sheep? There are two very striking similarities between the breed and humanity and they've been on my heart lately.

1. Sheep are dumb. No, like seriously dumb. Did you know that if one of the sheep in the herd were to run off a ledge to its demise, the rest would follow? For real, how DUMB is that?! In my anatomy class last semester when we were learning all about brains we had to dissect a sheep brain in lab. We had learned that it's not the size of the brain that determines how smart a person is, it's the number of creases and folds their brain contains. The more creases you see on a brain, the smarter the person was (very simply put). Sheep brains are almost completely smooth. Yeah, not that smart. Back to the ledge analogy, we're SO much like sheep in the sense. How many times do we look up to, or even idolize another person? We want to do things JUST like they do. We want to dress like them, talk like them, do the same things they do. This too is dumb. We need to model our lives after Christ. He has set forth the most perfect example and we should pray every day to be more like Him. We also need to realize that we're simple minded and can't possibly understand or grasp the things that God knows. He knows what's best for us. He's there for our guidance and protection. We (I, definitely, included) need to seek His will for our lives and understand that He's all knowing and we're.. well.. dumb.

2. Sheep are vulnerable. In what universe could any sheep EVER stand a chance against a wolf, a bear, or even a dog for that matter? Sheep don't have huge fangs or sharp claws. They're completely and totally dependent on the shepherd for protection and guidance. If a sheep were to go out on his own to try to take care of himself he wouldn't last very long. How many times do we try to take matters into our own hands or go down our own pathways until we get utterly slaughtered? It's only then when we realize that we can't protect ourselves or see the really big picture in life. We really need to trust and rely on God for that protection and gentle guidance in our lives. He truly does want what's best for us (remember Jeremiah 29:11).

Try to go through this week remembering to fully rely on God for everything. Because without Him, we're all just dumb and vulnerable :)




(For fun: When I was looking for a picture of a sheep for this blog I found this little guy. He just happened to remind me of Da-a-avid Crowder! Haha, enjoy!)



Don't Worry!

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

- Matthew 6:34

Simple as that. :) Oh, and by the way, meet Happy Miller! Mine and Matthew's new yellow lab puppy. We got him last weekend. He really does live up to his name!

Charlie

Do all things without arguing or complaining. -Philippians 2:14

Yesterday as I was driving home from school, I saw a dog sitting at the end of my gravel road. He was so cute so I pulled over just to pet him. When I started walking towards him I noticed something was wrong with him but I wasn't sure what it was. Once I was close enough to pet him and I stuck my hand out to try, I noticed that half of his face was mangled. His eye was shut, swollen and bleeding. As if that's not bad enough, he had a HOLE in his skull, I could literally see inside of his head. I'm terribly compassionate which is a good thing for everyone I come in contact with but an awfully painful thing for me. I was on the phone with Matt and I immediately just started crying so hard that I couldn't catch my breath. My heart broke to see this puppy with these terrible wounds. AND to top it all off, the sweet dog licked my hand and looked up at me like I was his savior. I got back in my car and pulled it over to the side of the road and locked the doors and left it there. I was able to get the dog to follow me all the way to my house and into our fenced in back yard. He followed me everywhere, licking my hand and whimpering when I would stop petting the good side of his head. This dog had the sweetest demeanor I've ever seen in any dog, healthy or hurt. We fed him some dog food and took him to the vet's office. Even though he was obviously scared to ride in a car he was so good. He sat right next to me, with either his paws or his head in my lap the whole time. We got him to the office and they said they would clean him up and keep him overnight. All the while I was so excited that Matthew and I were going to have a dog to take with us when we get married and we even named him. Charlie. Well, this morning the vet called and said they had to put him to sleep because his wounds were much worse than they appeared. Apparently he had been mauled by a bigger animal. Needless to say, I cried again this morning.

That isn't exactly my point, though. I have NO pain tolerance whatsoever. Just ask Matt, I've cried over a (very serious and painful) splinter before. The whole time that I was sitting outside with Charlie, waiting to take him to the vet I was thinking about how crazy it was that he was hurt SO bad, yet he wasn't "complaining." I know that sounds dumb, talking about a dog but he wasn't whining or yelping. He didn't try to bite me when I looked at his wounds. He was trusting. He could tell that I loved him and wanted to take care of him for as long as he lived so even through his immense physical pain I'm sure he was enduring he never once lashed out. I certainly would have. It just reminds me of how God loves us so much more than I could ever even imagine loving anyone or anything. He wants so badly to take care of his wounded children in our times of darkness and pain. Do we walk around depressed, moaning, or complaining? Or do we trust the One who wants to care for us and go about our lives with a peaceful and happy accordance despite whatever circumstances we face?

Little Charlie was only apart of my life for one emotional night, but God used him to show me something that I'm to stubborn to put into practice without a little prompting. Do all things without arguing or complaining.